5/24/05: Forcing Love in Relationships

You cannot make someone love you. You can only be yourself and they will either love you or they won’t.

You cannot make someone love you more. You can only be yourself and they will love you to the level they love you or they won’t.

Many couples suffer in relationships because one person wants more love than they are receiving from the other. They constantly look for signs, clues that the other partner loves them the way they want to be loved. When the other partner does things that go against their idea of this desired love, problems arise.

But the problem does not stem from the other partner not loving enough, the problem stems from the partner who is trying to force love from the other.

Love cannot be forced. It can only be given and received freely.

If a partner does not love you enough, it is up to you to love them (and yourself) enough to recognize this and let them be exactly where they are in their love, or lack thereof, for you. Getting angry, controlling, trying to change them, or forcing love from them are not actions of love. They are actions of fear.

Letting them be may mean leaving or staying. But letting them be you must else you are in for a lifetime of frustration, pain, anger, resentment, bitterness, feelings of unworthiness and rejection.

Forcing love from someone not only creates friction in a relationship that is already besieged with friction, it creates a living hell for both partners involved.

The best way to get someone to love you is to love yourself. Give yourself love and give others love. If someone does not love you after all this love you are giving, it won’t matter to you anyway. In giving love to yourself and others, you receive love. It will matter not from where or whom it comes.