3/9/05: Circles of Association
Draw an imaginary circle around you. Next, draw a larger circle around the first circle. Then one more around the second circle so that you are standing in the middle of 3 rings in succession.
The first circle symbolizes the space within which your closest friends and family are allowed. These people get to see the real you, the part of you that you are comfortable letting out in front of them but no one else. You share with them your deepest desires, fears, accomplishments, challenges, joys, losses, etc.
The second circle symbolizes the space within which only some friends, family and few co-workers are allowed. These people cannot cross into the first circle and get too close but are still somewhat close enough to see those intimate parts of you slip out every once in a while. You share some personal stories with them but mostly you keep your stories edited and leave out the deeper feelings behind them.
The third circle is for acquaintances, other family members and co-workers. They cannot cross the boundaries of the second circle and rarely see anything other than the mask you put on for them. The stories you tell them are highly edited and barely skim the surface.
Beyond the third circle are strangers, people whom you have not yet met, who may or may not at some point cross into one of your circles. Also here are the people who were in one of your circles at some point in your life but for one reason or another, are no longer.
We are constantly shifting people in and out of our circles, moving them from one to another, closer or further away and perhaps back again. We sometimes do this consciously but most often unconsciously and frequently we don't have a choice as the person leaves on their own accord.
When someone in our inner circle hurts us, we tend to push them out. We may accept them back in when we forgive them or we may leave them out for good. When someone in an outer circle does something genuine and real for us, we tend to move them into a closer circle.
Be aware of your circles. Know who is in which, when and why, as well as who wants to be where. You cannot force someone into a closer circle if they don't want to be there, just as you cannot force your way into someone else's circle if they don't want you there. It is important to know where you stand in someone else's rings.
