3/8/05: Parenting

We often hear parents exclaiming in disbelief, "Oh my God, I've become my mother (or father)" when they realize they've been parenting their children the way they were parented.

Despite their best efforts to teach their kids differently and avoid making the same mistakes they felt their parents made, they fall into the role they themselves have been taught.

So many of us are displeased with the way we were raised yet we tend to unconsciously gravitate toward the same teaching methods our parents had utilized on us simply because we don't know how else to teach. We have never seen another way of handling the situation so we do what we know, what was done to us.

If you find yourself about to yell at your child for something they are doing and know there must be a better way but don't know what that way might be, do not follow through simply because you don't know what else to do.

You will be supporting the continuance of an unhealthy cycle for your children to carry over to their children. Perhaps your own parents felt this struggle but followed through regardless for lack of other viable options.

Try a different approach. There is never only one way to do something. Try anything, even if it is nothing. Doing nothing until you can think of something else to do may be your best option. The key is to not repeat the same cycle of unhealthy parenting.

Spend some time in becoming a better parent than you thought your parents were. If you know what doesn't work for the well-being of your child because this is what was taught to you, do not repeat it simply because it is the easiest and fastest way out. Read books, talk to other parents you admire, dig within yourself to discover what might have worked better for you as a child. There are countless options; you simply have to commit yourself to finding them. Make up your mind that your children deserve the work you put into becoming a better parent. And so do you.