1/22/05: Three choices

If you are unhappy in a situation in your life, you have 3 choices.

1) Remove yourself from the situation
2) Find a way to be happy within the situation
3) Do nothing and remain unhappy with the situation

Whether it's a relationship, job, geographic location, lifestyle, etc., the answer is always simple.  Carrying it out, however, is the part that brings resistance, fear and uncertainty.

Too often we get lost in the details, the follow through of what we know we must do. If you are in an unhappy marriage and know you must remove yourself from it in order to be happy, the thought of starting all over again can stir up many mixed emotions ranging from fear, sadness and doubt to excitement, liberation and relief. For many of us, the negative aspects overpower the positive and we tend to remain stuck in the situation due to our fear. Though we know, deep down, what we must do, we deny it, just a little bit longer. Sometimes "a little bit longer" turns into 20 years.    

We tell ourselves we will try to find a way to be happy within the situation instead. It seems easier and less drastic than our first choice. Most of the time, this means we are actually doing nothing and remaining unhappy while hoping something will change.

Finding a way to be happy within an unhappy situation may be the hardest choice of all since it requires inner exploration and change. A situation, in itself, is neither good or bad, negative or positive. It is our perception that turns a situation into a happy one or an unhappy one. Therefore, in order to find a way to be happy within the situation, you must change your perception of it.

The third choice, unpleasant as it is, surprisingly is the choice most of us make, consciously or unconsciously. Though we are miserable, we are comfortable. It requires no conscious risk (though the act of remaining unhappy itself is a huge risk) on our part and keeps us in our familiar zone of comfort.

Whichever choice you make, be honest with yourself and focus on the choice you know you must make, deep inside. The answer is simple. The rest is merely details.